I don’t want to rely on the world for my well being. His strength is sufficient and He will provide for those He loves. (John 3:16)

Trusting Provision

The journey: Aug 1, 2009 | Read about the next step… Trusting Provision

And I hopeful and glad that Dani and I are going. There have been no regrets at leaving our family or familiar surroundings. We are both ready to leave today, if we could. I think both of us feel God calling us to follow him, and Germany is where he’s leading us.

The Journey Begins

The journey: Jul 31, 2009 | Read about the next step… The Journey Begins

Over the next few days, I’ll be sharing posts about my process and how God has changed who I was before all of this. There will be a few more blog posts in the Spiritual Journey category. Feel free to share this with those who you think it could help or who are just curious. I want to be open and honest about my life, and what Dani and I are doing. Please read these and be encouraged, impassioned, and filled with love and peace. God is in control. I just want to share what I see God doing in me.

Why I Choose to Change

The journey: Jul 28, 2009 | Read about the first step… Why I Choose to Change

It’s been a great experience though, having to write out my thoughts about Germany, why I believe what I believe, or what I have interests in. I think everyone needs to figure that out every few years. It’s refreshing and a great learning experience. I certainly have had to learn a little more than expected about my own self, before I could even begin to write about it.

I’m not a writer by any means, and communication is not my strong suit. So this application process has been a good and tiresome road for me. But I’m learning a lot about myself, and about my relationship with God. I’m learning that if this is going to happen it has to be a God thing. I’m realizing more and more that God wants me to seek his provision, not my own.

Lord, help me to follow your directions. To follow the ways that you open for me, and for this journey Dani and I are taking. May my desires not overshadow my faithfulness to your commands. I pray that I faithfully seek you and seek your word, so that I may better trust in your provision.
exodus 16:13-17

The biggest theme I’ve learned from that book is that raising support has to be based on biblical principles. And that you need to have an understanding of what the word says concerning money and giving.

So, I’m taking it upon myself to daily pursue what it means for me to rely on God with my finances, specifically when it comes to relying on other believers to give to God through me. It’s a big concept for me to grasp, and for me to learn.

For me, I know that money is how I provide for my family. So, one of these new principles in my life will now be relying on God to provide for me, especially where money is concerned. I know I can’t do it. So I must seek the truth, I must rest in His peace.

May I be able to say like Paul, “I have received full payment and have more than enough.” Open doors, and open my heart to be faithful with what you are showing me. Let my tongue be slow to respond, but quick to speak with the wisdom I seek from your heart. Lord be my passion and my vision.
philippians 4:18

I ask for wisdom. I feel that if I am going to ask for something, it should be that. And so I do. And it seems that James encourages that prayer. But the hard part for me is believing that it will be given. Or believing that is has been given. Wisdom isn’t easy to measure, and it usually is best revealed with time. So for me, I must pursue wisdom fervently, or be in danger of falling off this new path I’m choosing to walk.

Let me know I am making right decisions. Help guide my steps, my words, my actions. I will follow you, no more doubting or selfish ways. My heart longs to live.
james 1:22-25

Apparently I am called to live a life of pursuit, a life filled with principles beyond myself. I can not do it on my own. I know that. I’ve tried that; it doesn’t work. I guess there is some wisdom in falling down.  So, there is one thing I can use to help me along the way, to help light my feet—the word. Pure. Unadulterated. Holy. And in that pursuit there will be release, freedom.

Now I have two things I know to be true, and worth seeking, two things I know I must have to begin this journey, this metamorphosis outside the boundaries—the word and faith. I walk blindly, but these will help guide my way.

I want to respond to the urges, respond to the desires to change. I want to reach out and help. What that means, I do not know. I do know it must happen. To walk the path not often walked is where I want to be. There’s more in me than what I’m showing, what I’m being.

And so, a metamorphosis. A life outside the boundaries, outside the normal living, to push me where I know I need to be. Inside burns a desire to be the guy who gets flown away in a chariot of fire. Burns a desire to be the guy who sees the truth amongst the lies. Burns for love to be given to those who don’t deserve it. A heart that gives with no regard for cost. That’s who I want to be. No limits—boundless.

I know there are parts of me that I’ve been hiding or just leaving dormant. Spiritually, relationally, socially, physically, I know I struggle. I see myself as the Galatians, in need of a nudge to pursue the next step. The freedom to follow Christ does not mean a lax living, but the cost of love. If I belong to someone greater, and really believe it, than I must sow well.

Meaning, knowledge and truth—what do we gauge these by? Our own understanding? Our own experiences? I know that right now I can’t gauge truth by only reason, nor education, nor intuition. These cannot be fully realized in our lifetimes. And so by faith, and faith alone, I pursue this endeavor, this change of life.

And so, I rest in the peace that my life is in the hands of someone who has something better for me than normal living. I rest in the full sovereignty of one who is greater. Faith will drive me, but faith by itself will crumble. So I cannot stay silent or be still.