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March 8th, 2010

The Support Side of Things – Part Two

Written by Dani Filed under: Life, Spiritual Journey, Support

Well, I have been trying to write this post for over a week. It was kind of an up and down week for me, and I’ve been unable to translate what I think and feel about support raising into words. I usually do better when I’m feeling optimistic and positive. This week, I had some rather frustrating days when all of my thoughts were dark.

If you gathered from that little introductory paragraph that I’m not always very excited about support raising, you’re right. Sometimes, I’m not. Sometimes it sucks. It can be scary, and frustrating, and discouraging and impossible. I often feel like we’ll never get to Germany, and, if we do, it certainly won’t be in a timely manner. I often put off calling certain people because they intimidate me (terrify might be a more accurate word). Sometimes I leave an appointment and think, that person didn’t get our vision all. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and think, God, what are we doing?

Those are the bad days.

But there are also really good days. Like last Wednesday, when I had dinner with a single friend who said she wanted to give $100 a month. I was floored. The next day, a woman who we’ve never even met said she wanted to give $150 a month, to start with! People (that’s how my grandpa always addresses crowds), that’s 5% of our monthly budget in 24 hours! That was a good day.

Then there was the night when I was tired and sad—and had been for two weeks. I was laying in bed watching Hulu— because I was tired and sad—and Israel came in to show me a text message he’d just received. A couple from church wanted to give $100 a month and $200 the first month. That was a good day too.

And sometimes, the people who I’m terrified to call one day, don’t seem so scary the next day. And occasionally we have really encouraging meetings with people. And sometimes, we’ll get an email from someone who’s prayed for exactly what we’re dealing with that day. And there are times we get money in the mail, because we’ve run out.

Those are the good days.

In the past six weeks, we’ve been all-in and indifferent, hopeful and hopeless, hardened and convicted, downtrodden and encouraged—along with a whole slew of other emotions. Support raising is most certainly a growing process. We’re learning to trust God’s provision in very basic, practical ways. We’re learning to trust the Holy Spirit to bring people to our support team, instead of relying on our own charisma and pretty words. We’re learning to believe, in a whole new way, that God is good, and wise and capable to completing what he has begun in our lives. And during our times of doubt and questioning our sanity, God has affirmed that this is exactly where he wants us to be, and that he has uniquely prepared us to serve BFA and love the kids there.

When we started this new phase of support raising in January, we had 25% of our monthly support. As of this morning, we have 45%. We still need to raise at least 35% more ($1,900) in the next 24 days in order to leave in April, and we know that’s a huge task. But we’ve seen glimpses of God’s provision and power and ability over the past few weeks. We’re still hopeful that God will cause a tidal wave of support to flood our account. And if not, that’s okay. We trust that we’ll be at Black Forest Academy at the perfect time. We’ll keep doing our part and trust him to do the rest.

Tags: April, BFA, Black Forest Academy, budget, discouragement, encouragement, Germany, God, journey, Money, provision, spirtual growth, Support

February 25th, 2010

I Always Want to Use Cliches as My Blog Titles

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Written by Dani Filed under: Life, Spiritual Journey, Support

I Always Want to Use Cliches as My Blog Titles

Hello Blog. It’s been a while. How have you been? Are you feeling neglected? I’m sorry. Here’s a hug.

Obviously, February was not the best of months for blogging on our part. Good thing it’s so short. We’ve been very busy raising support this month, and I suppose that’s why we haven’t posted much. Because nothing very exciting has happened, and it’s hard to summarize and explain this whole support process. It’s a big mash of fear, excitement, joy, disappointment, expectation and despair. And that’s just one day. But, I’m feeling capable of putting my thoughts into words today, so here I go.

We started raising support in September, hoping we’d be able to be in Germany in October. It would have taken a miracle, for sure, but we knew that Black Forest Academy wanted us as soon as possible, so we wanted to try. In September, we raised 20% of our support. Yay! From October to January, we raised about 5% more….

Enter Boot Camp.

Boot Camp is a support raising workshop put on by The Body Builders, a group based out of Fayetteville. We’d considered attending Boot Camp in August, but were still in the application process for BFA and didn’t want to spend the money on something we might not need. In January however, we knew we needed it. So, we went down to Ft. Worth for a couple days of support Boot Camping.

And it was amazing. We were already familiar with most of the things discussed at Boot Camp, but hearing them from someone who’s lived on support for 20 years, and being surrounded by sixty other missionaries who were going through the same thing, made a big difference. Boot Camp was encouraging, motivating, convicting and inspiring. We’d basically known what we needed to do to raise support, but after Boot Camp we actually felt capable of doing it.

One of the most helpful things that came out of Boot Camp was The Plan. Boot Camp made us set a date for when we wanted to have our full support. Then, we had to figure out what we needed to do to make that happen. So, our goal was to have our full support by April 1st and be in Germany by April 7th for a retreat.

By the way, if this actually happens, we’re going to have one CRAZY week. Here’s what it would probably look like. We’d finish up our support April 1st, pack everything up, and drive to Muskogee. Israel’s sister, Hannah, gets married on April 3rd. We’d most likely catch a plane to Germany the next day. When we arrived on the 5th (I’m guessing that’s when we’d arrive), we’d move into our apartment and perhaps go buy furniture, get our visas, open bank accounts, etc. Then, we’d drive to the retreat on the 6th or 7th, where we would meet many of our fellow BFA staff members, get adjusted to the time difference, and then head back for the return of students after Spring Break. Whew, I’m tired just thinking about it.

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, we set a goal to work towards. In order to accomplish that goal, we estimated how much new support we’d need each week, how many people we’d need to meet with, and how many calls we’d need to make every day in order to set up all of those meetings. So that’s what we’ve been doing since January 25th—calling people, inviting them to join our support team, and praying that God will bring new supporters to our team.

It’s been a wonderful and exhausting 32 days.

In order to keep this post from being ridiculously long, I’m breaking it up. Stay tuned for Part Two. Coming soon.

Tags: April, BFA, Black Forest Academy, Finances, Germany, growth, Life, Money, Support

February 1st, 2010

A Christmas Post

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Written by Dani Filed under: Family, Life, Travel

Yes, I know. Christmas was five weeks ago. Today is February. It’s a little late to be posting about the holidays, but at least we’re not posting this in May. So, here’s a little summary of our holiday travels.

On Friday, December 18th, we got up bright and early and headed to my sister’s apartment in Denton, TX. We got in shortly after lunch and met Jude, the epileptic Schnoodle. Jude was a pillow of curly goodness, who happened to twitch occasionally. Israel and I have realized that we’re not really dog people. We don’t like the drooling and shedding and stinking and poop picking-up. But Jude doesn’t stink, doesn’t shed, and doesn’t officially drool (although he does have a beard). Unfortunately, as all living creatures do, he poops. Anyway, we liked him. If we ever get a dog, I think it might need to be a schnoodle.

So, after meeting Jude, we headed to the University of North Texas to watch my younger sister, Amy, become officially Smart. She’s always been smart, but now she can make sure everyone knows how smart she is by telling them that she has a Masters Degree in Library Science. This not only lets them know that she’s smart, but also incredibly nerdy. I’m quite sure that she and her husband Luke will have the smartest children in my family. Israel and I will have the best looking. Just kidding. Although I do think Israel was the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen. Don’t you agree? I mean really, what little boy stands with his hand in his pocket like that? He’s the older one in the second photo.

So anyway, after the graduation festivities, we hung out at Amy and Luke’s house for several days. We mostly tested out a few new board games: Munchkin Fu (okay), Munchkin Quest (the worst game ever, unless you ask a boy), and Dominion (from the title, you would think I’d hate this game, but no, it’s great). After days of playing games and teaching Jude new tricks, we headed to Telephone to see my family.

My mom had the family over for the first Christmas in her own home in over 10 years. We had a lovely table setting and ate Mexican food, because Christmas food is boring. My mom is also a master present wrapper. Not only does she make presents beautiful, but she makes them fun. When we were little, she’d wrap small presents in HUGE boxes and put rocks, or cans of food, or beans (dried, of course) in with the gift. That way, we’d have no idea what was actually in the gift when we shook it around and felt the edges and tried to peek under the paper. This year, Mom wrapped 20 gifts. 20. For four people. Who don’t really expect presents anymore. So, we each got to open five gifts. They each had a $20 bill stashed somewhere inside. So, $100 each! Woo hoo! After this Christmas, Israel has a better understanding of why it’s vitally important to me that gifts be pretty.

An amazing thing happened while we were in Telephone—Jude got groomed. But he didn’t just get groomed, he got shaved. All the way down. Until he looked like a plush little lamb. And that same day, he got a shot at the vet. And he got nicked while being groomed, nicked in a very uncomfortable place. Let me tell you, a shot, plus a shaving, plus a seriously painful injury that prevents one from sitting down, equals one insane schnoodle. Jude ran around like a dog on speed for about two hours. He was flipping and running in tiny circles and jumping all over things. And then he crashed. And his little head drooped all the way to the floor because he was so exhausted. Please enjoy these lovely before and after photos of Jude.

So, after Christmas, we headed to the Jernigan home where we basically played games the whole time (our favorite thing). By the way, the Jernigans have graciously taken on The Best Cat Ever, Felin. And let me tell you, after one month there, she is a different cat. I blame it on Cricket, the rat-dog. Shortly after Felin arrived, Cricket did too. And they do not get along. Poor Felin.

Cricket – The Instigator

Felin – The Victim

Look at that poor cat. Alas.

Moving on, after Muskogee we drove 12 hours to Colorado through the wasteland that is Kansas. Kansas is normally not the most exciting place to drive through, but on both the way there and back, Kansas was shrouded in fog. Cold, freezing, fog. It was like we were in a bubble of grey. The land was gray, the sky was gray and the mist-walls were gray. Kansas in December, the perfect setting for horror films. Anyway, we arrived at my Dad’s house in Colorado, after I nearly slid our car backwards off the driveway, which happens to be a cliff. We spent four lovely days there. My Dad’s house is awesome. It’s in this lovely little canyon with red-rock formations and mountains. The whole back wall of their house is windows. It’s great. I highly recommend visiting. While we were there, we got MORE Christmas/my-26th-birthday money, and what do you think we did with all of that cash?

Guess.

We bought Rosetta Stone. And it’s awesome. I recommend Rosetta Stone just as much as visiting my Dad’s house.

Then, after 17 days of being away, we returned to good ol’ Arkansas. Whew.

Oh yes, while we were gone, the couple we’re living with bought a house, packed up, moved all of their stuff and ours to the new house, and cleaned the old one. And we weren’t even there to help. We have good friends.

Now enjoy the myriad of photos that we felt needed to accompany this post.

: Fuzz{|}

: Jude, the Patron Saint of Lost Causes, and the Beatles{|}

: Pensive Luke{|}

: Sometimes You Just Need to Squeeze a Dog{|}

: Horse{|}

: Fall Comes in December Here{|}

: Walk{|}

: Dog in a Tree{|}

: Childhood{|}

: Pony{|}

: Bark{|}

: Swinging with the Dog{|}

: Luke on a Swing{|}

: Shoe{|}

: My Mother Is an Excellent Gift Wrapper{|}

: Candy{|}

: Christmas Table{|}

: A Bounty of Gifts{|}

: Bald Jude{|}

: Deb and Jude{|}

: Larkspur, CO{|}

: The Wild West—AKA, Dad's House{|}

: From the Porch{|}

: At Dad and Deb's House{|}

: Daddio{|}

: Sunning{|}

: Saying Goodbye{|}

Tags: Amy, birthday, Cat, Christmas, Colorado, dad, dog, Family, Felin, graduation, Israel, Jude, Kansas, Luke, mom, New Years, oklahoma, Texas, Travel

January 5th, 2010

Goodbye and Hello

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Written by Dani Filed under: Life, Spiritual Journey

As all of you know, we’ve recently entered a new year. 2009 is gone. 2010 is here. Yesterday was also my birthday. My 26th birthday. For some reason, 26 seems a lot older than 25. Much more adult. And….old. Not that I’m getting shorter or graying (no wait, I am graying), I know I’m still quite young and have a lot to learn, but when people ask me how old I am, I’m going to have to say 26. Twenty-six! That seems much more weighty than 25.

Since we’ve entered a new decade and I just turned Old, I’ve been thinking about the past year. I can’t think of any other year that’s had so much change. 2009 hasn’t been the year with the most significant events, those would probably be 2006, when I married, and 2004, when I found freedom from addiction and finally got salvation, and 1996, when my parents divorced. But 2009 has been a year of huge shifts in life—in direction, in desire, in lifestyle.

For the first six month of 2009, we were focused on what we wanted, the American dream. We began trying to have a baby in January of 2008, and by 2009 I was frustrated that there was no baby. I was also hoping to go to grad school. We started looking for a house in April. We’d been in the same apartment for three years. Nothing was working. I was depressed and confused and apathetic.

On the positive side of things, Israel had a great job. We’d gotten involved in a wonderful church and we were making new friends, finally.

Then, at the end of July, I got an email that changed everything. My friend Pam wanted to know if I would help her do a video project at Black Forest Academy. In one day, I read everything I could find on the BFA website. In one week, we’d decided to apply for positions at this boarding school in Germany. At the end of August, we knew we’d be moving to Kandern to work for Black Forest Academy. September was a whirlwind of meetings, speaking and trying to raise support. In October, we realized we wouldn’t be leaving when we hoped and Israel quit his job. In November, we sold practically everything we owned and moved out of our apartment, the only home we’d known as a married couple. In December, we moved in with friends.

It’s amazing how quickly things can change. I mean, this was not in our plan. We hadn’t even heard of Black Forest Academy until my friend emailed. But the unexpectedness of it all doesn’t change the significance of what God is doing right now.

This is right. This—this crazy, sudden, sell-all-you stuff-and-move-to-another-country thing—is right. It’s clear that God has given us this opportunity to help BFA with media and invest in missionary kids. Whether or not we ever get to Germany (though I think we will), we believe that we are doing what God wants us to right now. All of the best things in my life have just plopped on my lap—freedom from sexual addiction (I’d pretty much given up on ever finding it), At the Well (a women’s sexuality ministry), and Israel. They’ve all been unexpected and surprising. Looking back over the great things God has done in my life, I can see the extraordinary possibilities of this opportunity. We’ve already experienced so much change, and ministry and love, and we’re not even there yet! I’m eager for the transformation and truth we’ll find when we step foot in Germany.

This year, I’ve been reminded that God is good, that he has plans for me, and that they are better than my own. I’ve learned that I need to wait on him. I’ve learned that God’s goodness doesn’t mean he’s going to give me everything I want in the way I want. I’ve been reminded that my life is about God, not me.

I’m not one for resolutions. I never keep them or take them very seriously. But here’s what I hope for myself in 2010, while I am 26.

That I am wiser than I was at 25

I want to rely on God more fully. I want to be more patient and trusting. I want to remember that, just because things aren’t going the way I expect them to, doesn’t mean I should give up. I want to keep a broader view of my life, so that I don’t get discouraged by the details.

That I love better

I want to not give up on people. I want to be patient, and kind, and encouraging. I want to remember that just because I think someone needs something (a relationship, a revelation, an experience) doesn’t mean they do, or that they are ready for it right now. I want to see people the way God does and love them with hope and perseverance.

That I am more balanced

I need balance in my life. I tend to get REALLY excited about one thing, and neglect everything else. Then, once the excitement has passed, I forget that one thing and never pick it up again. I don’t think that’s the best way for me to live. I want to learn to do the things I should, as well as the things I want. I want to eat well—healthily and tastily. I want to be active. I want to pursue people, but honor my need for reflection and quite. I want to work hard, but still have times of rest and fun.

I’ve been working on all of these things for several years now, and they have yet to be perfected. I don’t expect them to be perfected in 2010, but I would like my life to look a bit more like the one who gave it to me.

May you experience the deep love and grace of Jesus this year.

Tags: 2010, 26, BFA, birthday, Black Forest Academy, change, Germany, growth, Life, marriage, moving, new year, personal journey

December 9th, 2009

Grief

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Written by Dani Filed under: Life, Spiritual Journey

Hopefully you know by now (unless you’ve just stumbled across our blog) that we are planning to work with missionary kids at Black Forest Academy. As part of our preparation, I’ve been reading (rather slowly) Third Culture Kids by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken. Missionary kids are third culture kids (TCKs), which means they’ve spent a significant period of their formative years outside their passport countries. I’ve also been going to counseling for the past few months. One of the things that keeps coming up, in the book and counseling, is grief.

I moved a lot growing up. I believe I moved 12 times in my first 14 years of life. I don’t know if I technically qualify as a TCK, but I do relate to some of the aspects of TCK life. One thing I’d never realized is that there is a grieving process to moving. Let me tell you, that was an eye-opening chapter. According to the book, the transition cycle for moving is Involvement, Leaving, Transition, Entering and Reinvolvment. Okay, in and of itself, that doesn’t really mean much. The wow moment for me was reading about the Leaving stage, which isn’t talking about getting on a plane and heading to your new home, although that’s part of it, but about emotionally removing yourself from your home. You begin to loosen emotional ties, back out of responsibilities and refrain from taking new ones, and stop making new friends.

So, for the first time, I’m aware of this process. We’re in this strange sort of limbo. We’re preparing to move to another country to start a whole new life. We’ve basically sold all of our possessions, we’ve moved in with friends, we’ve given our cat away, we’ve quit our jobs, but we’re still here. And, instead of pulling away from our relationships, we’re strengthening them and making new ones, because everyone here is vital to our success at BFA. And I don’t mean financially, although we do need money, but, emotionally and spiritually. The people here will, in many way, sustain us as we serve in Germany. Instead of distancing ourselves from friends, family and church, we’re trying to become even more connected to our lives here, so that we have an anchor of people from which we can launch ourselves into BFA.

And it’s weird.

People ask me how things are going and how we’re doing, and I don’t really know what to tell them. We’ve sold all of our stuff, all of our wedding gifts. We never took any photos of our apartment, the only home we’ve know since we’ve been married. We’re living with someone else. We gave our cat away, and I bawled and I want her back. We want to be in Germany, but we’re not. We want to get to know our friends better and to love them better, but then it will hurt that much more when we have to leave.

So I think I’m experiencing grief. I’m glad to know that is what’s happening, and that it’s normal, and that it will keep happening. But it’s strange.

I’ve been thinking about home, and what that means. TCKs often don’t know where home is. I can identify with that right now, because, apparently, home isn’t a place. It’s not your things. Or where you live. Or comfort food.

What I’m trying to get at is that this whole missionary thing can be hard at times, and we haven’t even left yet. We’re in process. We’re learning and changing and grieving. I’m grieving the apartment (that I never liked), and our possessions (that I wasn’t very attached to) and our cat (whom I loved). I guess the fact that I even care about leaving our apartment shows that this really is a transition. And maybe it really is a sacrifice. It didn’t seem like much of a sacrifice before it happened, and even now, it doesn’t seem like much of one. And I’m actually glad to do it, because I’m so excited about what God has for us at BFA. But I guess it is a sacrifice to leave all of your things and what you’ve known, for something that has no guarantees.

I guess I wanted to let you all know how we, or at least I, am doing. In one sentence, I think this whole transition period is strange. That’s really the best word I can think of to describe it.

Tags: apartment, BFA, Cat, church, Family, Felin, friends, Germany, grief, home, missionary, Missionary Kids, moving, possessions, strange, stuff, TCKs, third culture kids, transition

December 2nd, 2009

Won’t You Be My Neighbor…in Germany?

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Written by Dani Filed under: Work & School

Every year, BFA has staff members that return home to the States (or Canada or wherever else home might be). The staff member might be leaving because they only made a one or two year commitment, or they might need to leave for health purposes, or they might not have enough support to remain on the field. BFA would love to have staff members stay for years and years, but that’s not always possible. So, when someone leaves, someone else needs to fill in.

Do you want to fill in? Do you have a passion for missions, or for helping Christians love Jesus more, or for Christian education? Because BFA is always in need of people who want to invest in missionary kids. And you don’t have to be a teacher. There’s pretty much a place for every kind of person with every kind of skill. I mean, we’re not teachers, and we’re going.

So, here are Black Forest Academy’s staff needs for the 2010-2011 school year.

Tags: 2010-2011, application, apply, BFA, Black Forest Academy, Germany, job, moving, staff needs, work

November 23rd, 2009

What’s Left

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Written by Dani Filed under: Life

We’ve had garage sales the past two weekends and got rid of quite a bit of stuff, but we still have some left. And since we have to be out of our apartment on the 30th, we need to get rid of the rest of it, soon. Here’s some of the stuff we have left as well as the price we’d, ideally, like for each item. If you’re interested, give me a call as soon as you can, since, you know, we’ve only got six days left. 918-287-8014.

Tags: apartment, clothes, dishes, furniture, moving, sale, stuff

November 20th, 2009

Week Two of the Buy-Our-Stuff

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Written by Dani Filed under: Life

We are having another Buy-Our-Stuff Sale tomorrow, Saturday, November 21th from 8:00 AM to 3:00 PM. We still have small appliances, dishes, clothes, books, most of our large furniture and various other things. We would LOVE for you to stop by. We live in The Greens Apartments on the corner of Gregg and Sunbridge in Fayetteville. Our address is 2753 N. Ida Lindsey Dr. #4. We’re right across from the basketball courts. Give me a call if you need directions, 918-287-8014.

Here are some of the amazing things we’re selling.