Today is March 25th. And that means that April 1st is seven days away. One week. 168 hours. Actually, less than 168 hours, because it’s currently 10:29 p.m.
We haven’t budged much in our support these last two weeks. We’re at 52%. According to the numbers, we won’t be leaving for a long time. Logically, we probably won’t arrive in Germany until after the school year is over. But for some reason, my heart is denying that logic. I have this strange eagerness inside me. I’m excited, and anxious, and eager to see what happens. I feel like I’m waiting for a huge, life-changing event, like my wedding. Which is a little ironic, since Israel’s sister gets married on the 3rd.
I don’t know that God will bring our support in within the next seven days. I don’t know when he plans for us to be in Germany. But I feel…hope, or faith, or something, almost physically in my chest. I really can’t describe it. And the more I think about it, the more I think that maybe this is faith and belief in God’s ability and power and desire to prove himself.
We’ve reached a point in our support raising where we’re not really sure who to talk to. We’ve contacted the majority of the people we know. Occasionally I freak out a little bit and wonder where in the world the rest of this money is going to come from, but mostly, I feel the need to pack, and prepare, and order books that I might need. I feel like we’ve done what we can, and the rest is up to God. I’m not saying that we won’t continue meeting with people, but I’m more aware now that all of this is out of our hands. So far, support raising has been such a shocker. So much about it is surprising, that I know that God is in it. From the 50 or so people we have on our team, to our living situation, to the money that keeps coming out of nowhere for us to live on, I can see God’s provision.
And I feel ready to move to Germany now, in some way that I haven’t before. Not that I speak the language (I don’t), or think we’re finally prepared (we’re not), or feel in any way capable of doing our jobs (oy), but I feel peace, and assurance, and love for the students. I’ve learned so much in the past six months (and four years), and I think God’s been preparing us for this. And in some intangible way that I can’t describe, I feel ready to leave.
I don’t know what God’s going to do with our support. I’ve never had the kind of faith that allows me to believe that God will do this one thing at this one time. I’ve never believed things in that way. But I’m believing in this support thing in a way that’s beyond my normal faith. I feel quite frightened admitting this, because I know I’ll feel embarrassed and foolish if we don’t have our support for three more months, but I think God might do it. I think we might be heading out in a couple weeks. And I think this is a perfect opportunity for him to display his power—to me, at least.
On a whole other note, God’s been opening my eyes again to the fact that we have a enemy. Some days are awful. I’ll be discouraged, and irritable, and angry and sad, and suddenly realize that maybe this isn’t just me, but I’m actually being attacked.
Our marriage has certainly been more…rocky…than usual. We’ve been much more easily offended, and annoyed and angered than ever before. We actually got into a fight, a real, yell-at-each-other-and-storm-out-and-slam-the-door fight, the other day—about our car tag, of all things. I think this was our first official fight. Pretty good for almost four years of marriage I suppose.
Now there’s no reason to be concerned. In many ways, our marriage is more healthy than it has been in a long time. But I can see how these squabbles add to the stress of this time, and make us more weary and can make us feel more downtrodden. In spite of that, God’s drawing us closer together. We’re delighting in each other in ways that we haven’t in a long time. I’m so thankful for that.
Someone mentioned, during one of our support meetings I believe, how one of the best ways for Satan to attack missionaries is to attack their children. I realized, for the first time, how precious and important Black Forest Academy is, and how important our roles are in protecting, and loving, and praying for these kids. They are vulnerable, just because of who they are. For the first time, I felt like I was actually going to be fighting for something at BFA.
Anyway, those are two rather unconnected trains of thought, but that’s what I was thinking about tonight.
Oh, one more thing, if you don’t mind.
We just found out that the director of BFA, Tim Shuman, will be leaving after this year to take a position with the Association of Christian Schools International in Colorado Springs. Tim has been at BFA for 24 years and Sandee, his wife, has been there for 29 years. That’s where they met, became engaged, had their children, and saw them graduate. Israel and I now feel even more of an urgency to get to BFA before the school year ends. Tim has a strong vision for the media at BFA and they obviously know the school very well. We want to absorb every bit of their wisdom and vision that we can. If you’d like to learn more about the Shumans, you can check out their blog.
