July 28th, 2009

Why I Choose to Change

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Why I Choose to Change

The world is too easy, too hard to not let my life be a part of it. Working a daily job, living in the states, having friends who love us, a family always in reach—those are the norm and expected lives to lead. That life, that way of daily norm, that decided safety, is not real living. Not the way I want to live.

I want to respond to the urges, respond to the desires to change. I want to reach out and help. What that means, I do not know. I do know it must happen. To walk the path not often walked is where I want to be. There’s more in me than what I’m showing, what I’m being.

And so, a metamorphosis. A life outside the boundaries, outside the normal living, to push me where I know I need to be. Inside burns a desire to be the guy who gets flown away in a chariot of fire. Burns a desire to be the guy who sees the truth amongst the lies. Burns for love to be given to those who don’t deserve it. A heart that gives with no regard for cost. That’s who I want to be. No limits—boundless.

I know there are parts of me that I’ve been hiding or just leaving dormant. Spiritually, relationally, socially, physically, I know I struggle. I see myself as the Galatians, in need of a nudge to pursue the next step. The freedom to follow Christ does not mean a lax living, but the cost of love. If I belong to someone greater, and really believe it, than I must sow well.

Meaning, knowledge and truth—what do we gauge these by? Our own understanding? Our own experiences? I know that right now I can’t gauge truth by only reason, nor education, nor intuition. These cannot be fully realized in our lifetimes. And so by faith, and faith alone, I pursue this endeavor, this change of life.

And so, I rest in the peace that my life is in the hands of someone who has something better for me than normal living. I rest in the full sovereignty of one who is greater. Faith will drive me, but faith by itself will crumble. So I cannot stay silent or be still.

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